This is hilariously funny...

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Sperm whales... all in the name.
 
Imagine this scene, redone with a) a drunk Jack Sparrow and b) a whale penis instead of penis-rocket.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCoRGbT3CM


"Will, Elizabeth ! Look at this...

Johnson: [Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
Jet Pilot: Dick.
Dick: Yeah?
Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.
Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's--
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous--
Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying--
Musician: Willie.
Willie Nelson: Yeah?
Musician: What's that?
Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a giant--
Colonel: Johnson?!
Johnson: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
Later, as Dr. Evil is escaping: Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?
Johnson: No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge--
Schoolteacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Otherwise known as tallywhacker, schlong or--
Dad: Weiner? Any of you kids want another weiner?
Son: Dad? What's that? points at rocket
Dad: I don't know, son, but it's got great big--
Peanut seller: Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some-- Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband's--
Ringmaster: One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
One-eyed Monster: jumps out and scares crowd, then points to the rocket Hey, what's that? It looks like a big--
female Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
Woody Harrelson: Sure thing. [Sees rocket] Oh my lord.
Female fan: It's big!
Woody: Nah, I've seen bigger, it's--
Dr. Evil: (To Mini-Me) Just a little prick. It's a flu shot. You've been in the coldness of space.
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Orionblamblam said:
shin_getter said:
View attachment 666243
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According to Twitter, that is supposedly a "Rhodesian planned Futuristic Fighting Vehicle with AA gun & 3 mortars or missile launcher in 1978." But nothing else about this thing seems to exist online. Looks more like a bad 80's Mad Max knockoff movie prop to me.
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The picture can be found on page 4 of 'Fighting Vehicles and Weapons of Rhodesia 1965-80', with the following caption ( addition s in italics by myself) :-

'In 1978, for the annual Jacaranda Festival the Army built a 'futuristic fighting vehicle'. It sported multiple guns, smoke dischargers, triple missiles and radar, but it was all made from 'Kaylite' (polystyrene foam board) and carried on foot by 12 ‘Black Devils ' (Rhodesian Armoured Corps troops). Seeing it on Borrowdale Road led motorists to write to the Press enquiring after the Army's new weapon. it was the brainchild of the Army's Advertising Staff Officer Mike Blackman (who also made a mock 14ft missile), and was judged second in the Parade (losing to a Pioneer Column Ox Wagon).'

cheers,
Robin.
 
This is, to me, the ultimate legendary Simpsons scene. And not only because it spoofs Indiana Jones to perfection.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKWnMN85hUg

It has grown to a legendary status between my elder sister and myself. Let me explain: back in our childhood 25 years ago we were the living incarnation of Bart and Lisa, on the very mischievous side (there is a good reason why BART is an anagram of BRAT).

We were also die hard fan of the Simpsons - on Canal+.

Then one day, I angered my (usually peaceful) father to such a point, I had to run away in a scene eerie similar to that one. But for real. Since then it has grown to legendary status, and a running joke

(Do you remind when you angered our father to such a point, he chased you around the garden and around the house, just like that legendary Simpsons scene ?)
 
An Arab Sheikh was admitted to the Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.
Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type.
After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure.
Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood.
After the second surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him:
"I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates?"

To this the Arab replied:
“Aye laddie, but now I have Scottish blood in me veins”.
 
Brilliant !

Reminds me of that Scottish generous man, who made a huge donation to a charity in the shape of a bank check / bank draft.
The charity was elated, but then noticed a rather annoying detail. There was no signature on the check !
They called the scottman, who said (very humble) "No need for it, I don't want my name to be revealed to the world. I'm of the modest kind."
 
If you want to know, France own scots are corsican people. In their case, the running joke is not they are greedy: rather, they are allergical to "work".
----------
So a Corsican men died, and his wife got him incinerated. Then she put his ashes into a hourglass.
From time to time, she turns the hourglass and just says "Time for you to work, darling. At least."
----------
One Corsican and his wife are on the beach. All of sudden, the woman yawns.
The man just says
"Since your mouth is open, call the kid".
----------
One poor naive French lands in Corsica and get lost. He enters a bar and ask
"Is it the Napoléon bar here ?
Barman looks at him like a brain retarded - and says "Some people, call it this way."
The man is thirsty and makes a grave mistake: he asks for (gaseous) - SPARKLING - water, Vichy or Perrier or whatever. Barman looks at him like a brain retarded.
And says
"Vichy, Perrier - no idea what it is is. I can give you an Orezza, with ice cubes."(Poor guy has no clue that Orezza is Corsica own brand of SPARKLING (gaseous) water - it's like Vichy or Perrier, but Corsican, and that's the point he completely misses. Instead he asks naively):
"Hmmm, what's that ?"
Barman look at him like a brain retarded.
"Ice cubes. Don't you know ? frozen water. In the shape of cubes. Cubes of ice."
 
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Arjen said:
Eau gazeuse = sparkling water. Bubbly.
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Sparks ? water making sparks ? unless you put electricity on it... and I wouldn't try drinking it. This has no logic whatsoever.
Don't try asking for "de l'eau a etincelles" in french. Or "de l'eau etincelante." (= shiny water ? WTF ?)

Reminds me of that unfortunate guy in a war torn country. He peed in a bomb crater which had a damaged high voltage line at the bottom. Of course he died instantly of an electric arc.
His baffled wife just said
"Wow. First time he makes any sparks with his dick."
 
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Archibald said:
Arjen said:
Eau gazeuse = sparkling water. Bubbly.
Click to expand...

Sparks ? water making sparks ? unless you put electricity on it... and I wouldn't try drinking it. This has no logic whatsoever.
Don't try asking for "de l'eau a etincelles" in french. Or "de l'eau etincelante." (= shiny water ? WTF ?)
Click to expand...
I prefer eau de vie.
 
I have nasty sense of humour,

In my High school days, two of worst teacher fell in love and got marry
I had organise the class wedding present: for him a dog collar and for her the leash.
Oh boy were they "happy" like Hell, but i was the hero in entire School
 
Michel Van said:
I have nasty sense of humour,

In my High school days, two of worst teacher fell in love and got marry
I had organise the class wedding present: for him a dog collar and for her the leash.
Oh boy were they "happy" like Hell, but i was the hero in entire School
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TzTztZ should be the reverse of course ;)
 
Anderman said:
TzTztZ should be the reverse of course
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oh it war right way from the begin.

She was, let me say it polite, a walking air-raid siren and overpowering in dominance.
He was, one head smaller as she and was unpleasantly pedantic bureaucratic type,
you now those type who goes to a dominatrix...
 
Michel Van said:
I have nasty sense of humour,

In my High school days, two of worst teacher fell in love and got marry
I had organise the class wedding present: for him a dog collar and for her the leash.
Oh boy were they "happy" like Hell, but i was the hero in entire School
Click to expand...

My english teacher was small, ugly, with curly hair, and a bad breath because she smoked like crazy.
As such, her nickname was "poodle" (= caniche in french). Classy, isn't it ? Wait for what follows.
...
One of my school bully (the living incarnation of Nelson Muns,)
- "Miss, you're beautiful today."
Confused teacher - "Thank you"
Bully - "April fool's !" (it was April 1)
...
:rolleyes:

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

On a lighter tone, that diminutive women was driving an Alfa 75: a very massive car, considering her small stature.

In stark contrast, my music teacher, an imposing fat man (think Demys Roussos), was driving an Austin Morris Mini.

Every evening we saw the Alfa 75 coming first, with the english teacher barely visible at the controls. And then came the Mini with the fat guy inside.

The running joke was that they had exchanged their cars for the worse...
 
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Archibald said:
My english teacher was small, ugly, with curly hair, and a bad breath because she smoked like crazy.
As such, her nickname was "poodle" (= caniche in french). Classy, isn't it ? Wait for what follows.
Click to expand...
My French teacher was a tough old bird, she was married to a French-Moroccan and was fluent in French. She would openly take on the bullies and gave as good as she got, once in my class she dared a boy to a fight after school outside the school gates!
 
Remembers that awesome movie with Sandra Bullock - Gravity ? Some smartass did a spoof called "Ikea". I will try to dug it, it was hilarious.

There it is, hail Youtube.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiBt44rrslw


My sister once send me to Ikea looking for wine bottle racks (this is France, after all: Vive le vin !) I thought I was going to die there.
 
Archibald said:
My english teacher was small, ugly, with curly hair, and a bad breath because she smoked like crazy.
Click to expand...
Strange that match my Teacher who got married, bonus a ugly Habsburg jaw.

Same school another Teacher i got was for Religion and he had a tonsure hair cut.
He replaced the science teacher who was sick, so far so good, except he had no science experience what so ever...
We were in Lab-class and he working on mixture of sulphur and Iron powder and he piled up that stuff over a Bunsen burner !
I ask him several times, if he knew what he is doing and if that not is a bit too much of that mixture ?
He just say "will you shut up" and my class mates notice that I got very nervous while packing my things and got ready to run.
as he put fire under huge pile of sulphur and Iron, that stuff burned with so much smoke, that exhaust hood not cope,
As Lab-class filled with Black Smoke and fire alert went off, we was already on stairs running record time out of building.

The fire brigade had extinguish smouldering fire, while the sooty Teacher was put in ambulance,
while the director of School was reproach him...
 
My science teacher was a bizarre guy to such a point, his nickname was Nosferatu. He looked like a slim variant of The Addams family Lurch - the blue Frankenstein creature.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/a...est/scale-to-width-down/210?cb=20160122000700

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And my math teacher for three years was a huge SOB with the name of Baisecourt. Which means "bad eyesight" or "short sighted" - all too appropriate.
Baise is old word for eyesight, same root as "vision".
The joke laid elsewhere as "baise" is also presently an ugly slang word.
Baiser as a name is "a kiss". Cute.
But as a verb, it is not cute at all.
....
Classic french language trap of potentially tragic consequences...
"un baiser = a kiss"
But "to kiss you = T'EMBRASSER" and, God Forbid, not "TE BAISER" - which exactly means "TO FUCK YOU"
"Je peut t'embrasser ?" GOOD
"Je peut te baiser ?" VERY RUDE
As in drunken and pervert Serge Gainsbourg to poor Whitney Houston live on TV.
I SAID I WANT TO FUCK HER.
And on top of that...
"Je peut te baiser... la main ?"
"Can I kiss... your hand?" not rude at all.
...
Now imagine your math teacher presenting himself "Hello I'm Mr Quickfuck. You can call me Shortfuck or Briefuck."
And I swear, by God was his name appropriate. Or maybe not: he should have been called Mr Nofuckatall, considering how rotten he was inside and outside. I still hate him to this day. He was a monument of stubborness and bad faith, a racist. Also he took weird postures in the classroom - standing on one leg, or even weirder.
He was the living incarnation of Pink Floyd "The wall" much maligned, nightmarish teacher: the one with a hammer head. HEY BRIEFUCK - LEAVES US KIDS ALONE... !!
 
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