Thank you all for coming.
Especially those of you who weren't invited and have no reason to be here.
Sure, no big deal. No problem. Whatever.
To save time, I've hired a consultant to help us find a name for our next product.
He doesn't look like any consultant I've ever seen!
Recommendation...
Downsize the loud guy.
I take it back!
Anyone else want a piece of me?
[MURMURING]
As you probably know, all the good product names have been trademarked by companies who are competent.
Competent?
How are we going to compete with that?
There's still plenty of names left in the area of Greek mythology, bodily secretions, diseases and everything involving intestines.
I like all of those things.
Remember, the first rule of brainstorming is to openly mock the opinions of others.
I thought it was the other way around.
Swift.
Let's start with you accounting guys.
Walter's good at this creative stuff.
He just named his baby.
How is Walter Jr.?
She's fine. Thanks for asking.
Well, that was a dry hole.
Do we have anyone here from Marketing?
[SMOOCHING LOUDLY]
Lie to me!
Our next upgrade will solve the problem.
[MOANING] Uh-huh-hoo!
I like the sound of it but how do you spell "uh-huh-hoo"?
Walter has a name for the product.
How about... Ford?
Hmm, that seems to be taken by the Ford Motor Company!
[SOBBING]
Maybe Ford will sell the name.
Everyone has a price.
You're not allowed to talk anymore.
How about something from the disease category?
They can't all be that bad.
How about seborrhea?
I like the sound of it.
[LATIN ACCENT] Seborrhea...
Seborrrrrrhea.
That's not a disease. It's a condition.
It doesn't have to be a disease.
Let's stay focused.
Diseases, secretions, Greeks.
How about Sisyphus?
The guy who pushed a rock up a hill for eternity?
That fits this project.
Hmm, I like it.
It conveys a sense of playfulness.
It's supposed to convey a sense of futility.
You have to look at it from the rock's point of view.
How about toe fungus?
That's a disease.
Cellulite... cellula... cellulex.
And when you take your sock off and you can still see the indent on your ankle Is that called anything?
That's it! I can't take it anymore!
I will not turn into the Chicken Man.
Pick a name, any name.
Here...
Acorn.
Acorn, okay? That's the name.
I know it's taken but it's just a little mom-and-pop dry cleaners.
We can buy their name.
Okay then, buy it.
We'll present it to my boss next week.
I feel the curse of the Chicken Man lifting already.
Now all you need is a second name to present at the same time -- a really bad name.
Why do we need a second?
It's a decoy.
Always give your boss two choices.
One to reject, one to approve.
It creates the illusion of leadership.
You always bring me two choices.
For you, both choices are always real.
Oh...
All right, we need a decoy name that's plausible, yet frighteningly bad.
Hmm, how about salmonella in honor of rooster boy here?
Can I speak with the owner?
[FRENCH ACCENT] Why?
So you can make false accusations about us wearing customers' clothing to sporting events?
I defy you to prove it. No, I--
You don't scare me, you potato-shaped bully.
You four-eyed, tall-foreheaded, short-pants man.
I'm not here to complain.
[NO ACCENT] Oh, well, we're not French.
Why do you talk-- Because we're rude.
It just sounds better with a French accent.
So, what do you want?
My company would like to buy the name Acorn. We'll pay...
[FRENCH ACCENT] Never! Acorn was our only son's nickname.
It is not for sale as long as this store still stands.
I need that name.
Leave the premises now or I will be forced to call the strip mall security guard who, although old and feeble will whip you and beat you without mercy until you sing campfire songs in the voice of a little girl.
Thanks for all your help.
The Acorn Dry Cleaners won't last forever.
Just let nature take its course.
Nature? How long will that take?
Hmm, not long.
I'm part of nature.
[VOICE VIBRATING] Would you like to try a vibrating chair?
Get out of my way, you pervert.
Will you be sitting down in any of these?
No, I'm going to run for it and you might want to do the same.
Sweet mother of God!
[YELLING]
Remind me to never negotiate with you.
Ah, am I late?
Right on time, sir.
Oh, in that case, I've got time to make some phone calls.
That is so rude.
Am I late now?
Yes, but it's not because you're an inconsiderate dolt.
It's because you're more important than us.
All right, so, what do you have for me?
We need your approval for the name...
Wait.
[SNIFFS]
The smell of fresh ficus -- it transports me back to my youth.
Summers in the Catskill Mountains.
Settle in. This could be a long one.
VICE PRESIDENT: Ah... we'd all go to Turtle Pond to swim and laugh and play games amongst the wild ficus.
One day tragedy struck.
A turtle made off with my trunks.
I stayed in the water as long as I could but the water was cold.
Soon... a crowd formed.
They gave me a nickname on the spot -- one that still haunts me.
Acorn.
[♪♪]
My awful, non-French parents even named their dry cleaning store Acorn.
[CLUCKS]
But that's all in the past. What do you have for me?
We just need your approval on our next product name.
Salmonella.
Salmonella?
I like it.
[GROWLS AND CLUCKS]
What?
Nothing. No.
What's my other choice?
People usually give me two choices.
Ah... Seborrhea.
Isn't that a disease?
It's a condition.
I like the first one.
By this time next year I want every person in the country to be driving a Salmonella.
It's not necessarily a car.
It's not?
Then why are we giving it a car name?
What else do you have?
How about The Gruntmaster?
The Gruntmaster.
I don't know. It's missing something.
Gruntmaster... 6000.
That's it.
Less features than the Gruntmaster 9000 but just as fun.
[ALL SIGHING]
Good work, Dilbert.